The World Cup: 10 Reasons We’re Glad It’s All Over

Who would have thought it would be Holland and Spain that are due to thrash it out in the FIFA World Cup on Sunday the 11th of July? England went out in the early stages and we found ourselves supporting a host of underdogs come unlikely heroes, however, as much as we love the sites of Robin Van Persie, Cesc Fabregas et al, I think we can safely say most of us are glad it’s coming to an end. Whether it was the heartbreaking match that was Ghana Vs Uruguay (we’re still sensitive, lets move on quickly) or the fact that we may never feel the same about Wayne Rooney ever again (obviously excluding the Shrek jibes, we’re keeping those), the phrase “We think it’s all over…” has never brought such relief.

Words By Rahsian Parris

10 REASONS WE’RE GLAD IT’S ALL OVER

1. We don’t have to pretend to know which player the commentators are talking about. If they don’t play in the Premiership, there’s a good chance we’ve never heard of them
2. No more waking up with a hoarse voice, all that shouting at the television is doing our karaoke vocals no good
3. Not feeling embarrassed when we periodically shout “WHAT WAS THAT REF?” just to fit in
4. Saying goodbye to the couples with matching team strips. It doesn’t matter how ‘cute’ you look, it’s sickening
5. The half time analysis. Can we just get on with the game please? How much more do we need to know other than the fact that we’re losing?
6. Random ‘robot dancing’ when someone scores. It was bad enough the first time around, lets stop repeating this atrocity
7. It was cutting in to our Big Brother Live streaming time. Enough said.
8. The only Englishman in the final is ref, Howard Webb
9. The injustice. The cards, the diving, the own goals, we can’t take the pressure anymore.
10. Watching the game with a glass of wine just isn’t the same, but we’re starting to get a beer belly.

…And 5 Things We Might Actually Miss

1. Day time television has never been so fit
2. The ‘Red Button’ and Chris Moyles live commentary – CLASSIC!
3. The education. We may not know the players, but we’ll sure as hell be rooting for Ghana in 2014
4. James Corden‘s World Cup Live – So funny
5. The Fashion. Fabio Capello‘s Zerorh glasses and David Beckham‘s silver suit. Officially the only time we’ve been in love on the sidelines.

Photography Courtesy of raziqrauf.com

Big Brother 11: A Guide To Mating & Dating

Tis the season to frolick, it’s summer time and it’s been two weeks since BIG BROTHER 11 burst on to our screens, but what are we making of the new roomies? Could this be the horniest bunch of housemates we’ve ever seen? 14 days in and we’ve witnessed make-ups, friendship breakups, confessions, obsessions and general loved-up behaviour, but we have yet to see an ‘official’ couple imerge. Could it be that this years 13 hopefulls (we’ve already lost budget Beyonce, Rachael) need some lessons in love? I’ve devised a fool proof Dos and Don’ts list, a guide to dating, as per BB11.

Words by Rahsian Parris/Photography Courtesy of Channel4.com

DO: Fancy someone you really get along with – It’s all well and good going for the hotty of the group, but if there’s no common ground, the attraction will soon fizzle out.

DON’T: Be someone you’re not – It’s easy to present yourself in a way that seems more appealing to the other person, but you can only hold up a lie for so long, eventually you’ll get found out…(or they may just think it’s Sunshine)

DO: Be straight about how you feel (*ahem!* No pun, sorry Govan) – If you like someone, tell them you really like them, if you dislike someone, explain to them why you don’t think you’ll get along, being kept in the dark isn’t good for anybody (unless you’re a mole :D)

 

DON’T: ‘Treat ’em mean, keep ’em keen – It doesn’t work. Full stop. Nobody appreciates being mistreated and it wont get you very far with a love interest. (However, if the love interest is Rachael, you’ll probably still have many a chance)

DO: Hang on in there – It takes some people time to come to terms with how they feel, or to figure out where they want the friendship/relationship to go. Give it some time, you never know what’ll happen.

 DON’T: Get too comfortable – After we’ve realised that we’re in with a chance, most of us tend to take a breather and make less of an effort. You can’t afford to do this, even marriages have to have a consistent amount of effort, you can’t just stop making an effort with the way you treat them, the way you express yourself and the way you look. (If you’re Shabby, that last comment doesn’t apply)

DO: Admit when you’ve made a mistake and ask for forgiveness – Ok, so none of us are perfect and we all mess up at some point in time. Just be honest about your mistakes, explain your reasons and if the other person is worth it, eventually they’ll understand.

DO: Realise when it’s unrequited – It’s painful to come to terms with, but prolonging a courtship that clearly isn’t meant to be will hurt everybody in the long run. If it’s obvious they aren’t into you, move on.

DON’T: Be afraid to have a bit of a cry – Love hurts, but bottling it up will lead to John James like behaviour (we’ve already seen that that’s a major Don’t), so let it out, shake it off and get over it.

DO: Work through the awkwardness – Ok so you’ve just told them that you fancy the pants off of them (or your mate has opened her big gob – Ife), don’t run away and hide, face your fears, the worst that’ll happen is they’ll say no (or explain in the most confusing way that they’re straight, occasionally Bi, have a boyfriend, but if they didn’t they’d snog you – EH?), but you might just end up with a BFF afterwards.

DO: Acknowledge when it’s time to give up – Not all of us end up with the love of our lives (Corin and her sunbed) and sometimes, no matter how much you like someone, you need to know when to call it quits. Way up the pros and cons (they are straight, you are gay… etc) and if it’s leaning towards ‘that’ side, don’t be afraid to throw in the towel. (Mario, this one’s for you)

DON’T: Stop laughing – nothing’s so serious that you can’t still smile and have a laugh right? Plus 90% of people find a sense of humour and nice smile more attractive than anything else. So, when faced with adversity (or Nathan dressed as a bikini clad girl), just laugh.

…And for dating advice if you aren’t on a reality TV show? Visit  www.datingadvicesecrets.com